Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I spoke with the attorney today about contracts. I have a standard contract I use every time and it's a pretty simple thing. She already submitted my contract to the other attorney and so far the only change is a life insurance thing....I was trying to save them some money since I already have life insurance but they insist on buying another policy. No big deal to me. Once contracts are done, I anticipate medical screening in the next few months and then if I pass and the egg donor passes, we will go to cycle synching and then transfer. I am hoping that on the transfer trip I can meet up with a few people on the east coast. My first surrogate babies (toddlers or actually kids) live in Boston and I have not seen them in person in over four years. They will be five in December. Wow. I also have a friend from the surrogacy world I would like to meet up with.
I have a business trip planned in August and hope to meet another surrogate at that time (that is if she has not flown the coop and left Sioux Falls for California).
That's all I have for now. Wedding this weekend. The brother in law is coming and staying at my house. Kill me now. :)
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Imagine my co-workers surprise then when I bought a chevy cobalt ss turbo. The speedometer says 160 and feeling the "get up" under the hood, I believe it would do it.
One c0-worker leaves work right after me pretty frequently. And he passes me on the way home every time. He is a speeder. He passed me on the way home yesterday and then came in the lab today. He was jokingly teasing me about the SS in my car name standing for Super Slow. He was jokingly teasing me about my car only needing a 3 speed transmission. He said I should go ahead and speed because even though it's a red car, I'm a woman and wouldn't get a ticket because I have boobs. He was kidding and I took it as a joke. I replied that I only have big boobs when I'm pregnant and that I'm not currently pregnant. That is all I said. And then, out of the blue, this man who I have worked with every day for four years, this man who I thought was my friend, crossed the line that so many think it is okay to cross. He said, "What are you going to do when you want another car in a few years? Have another baby for another fag?" I was dumbstruck. I wanted to bite back. However I attempted to maintain my dignity and merely said that that comment was not okay.
I am tired of this. I am tired of being judged. I am not a saint. I am also not the devil. I do not cure cancer with surrogacy but I also don't cause pain or suffering. I help make families. Why is that so bad? What is it about surrogacy that makes others think that rude comments are okay? I spoke with my boss about it because I feel like if these comments are still coming at 5 months postpartum, when I never speak of surrogacy and my c0-workers have no idea that I'm planning another surrogacy, things are never going to die down. What did my boss say? My Christian boss said, and I quote, "You are doing something immoral. You can't expect people to treat you well when you are doing something that is so wrong." And she walked away. I was speechless. I ranted to my c0-worker for a moment and noticed that she was not answering. I looked in her face and could tell she was on their side. I don't talk about surrogacy at work and never will, but really? Really? I feel so alone sometimes. I wish I lived in a big town. I wish others understood why I feel compelled to be a surrogate. Is it just the money that others find offensive? No one in my town knows what I get paid and the few that have been crass enough to guess have greatly overestimated the amount.
I dream of taking a job where no one knows I'm a surrogate. Perhaps I will some day. For now, I will hunker down and hold my head high. These people, who I think of as my friends, will not make me cry and if they do, they will not see the tears. I am doing what I feel is right. I stand behind my decision to help create families. I know in my heart that my choices on this matter are right. I just wish that I was not so alone. I wish I had one good friend to stand by my side, to stand up for me on this issue. I wish someone other than my husband and children had my back on this. When I started down this road 5 years ago I had no idea how lonely surrogacy would be. I have online surrogate friends and I treasure them but somehow, when standing in a plant full of men, trying to prove myself in a male dominated field, those online friends seem so far away. My husband seems so far away. It feels like it is me against them and even though I know I am right, there are more of them and even though each mean word of theirs only inflicts a small wound, those wounds add up over time. Note to self: surrogacy number four is going to require some thicker armor.
Monday, April 25, 2011
I am on a cooking binge lately. I made some pulled pork in the crockpot tonight that is to die for. I then put it on hoagie rolls with ham and turkey and swiss cheese and mozzarella and then put them in the broiler. They were so good. I also made a homemade chocolate mousse. Not to mention the cupcakes. Let me describe these cupcakes:
Double chocolate cake
Chocolate mousse filling
Chopped up snickers bars on top.
OH MY HEAVENS.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
- I was at work and went to put away a tote full of DDGS. It weighed about 50 pounds and was an awkward shape. I had to climb a set of movable stairs with it and lift it straight up over my head and put it on a shelf. I have never been able to put them away before and always had to get one of the guys to help me. On Friday I thought I would give it a try and I got it put away by myself. I realized that I had p90x to thank for that and almost simultaneously realized that if I were to ever get pregnant again, I would lose this level of fitness. I don't want to get out of shape again. I don't want to miss the kids activities because I'm tired. I want to do more than be a bystander in my own life. I want to LIVE it and I don't think I can any longer if I'm pregnant.
- We went to Devils Icebox today. It is an underground cave and stream system that also has a ton of trails. I could keep up with the boys every step of the way. We jogged up stairs, down trails, and around sinkholes and they were sweating and complaining before I was.
- I tried on my itsy bitsy teeny weeny pink bikini that I have had for years. I will always have my c-section scar and "shelf". I will always have some stretch marks (thanks alot ESBs). But I didn't look half bad. In another six months I will look even less half bad. On the scale from yucky to hot I want to keep heading in the hot direction. I am tired of torturing my body and expecting it to grow children, work 40+ hours a week, lactate, and chase my own kids. I want to take care of and baby my body from here on out.
So there you have it. I am, once and for all, retired. I feel good about it. I can't wait to see what adventures life has in store for me now. My five surrogate babies now range in age from 4.5 to 4 months old. My own children range from 20 to 12. I would definitely say it is time to leave behind the time in my life when pregnancy and breastfeeding take center stage and move on to other things. I can't wait to see what those other things are.