another week at work that is.
I saw the new OB for the first time and I actually like her. She is going to let me labor and try for a VBA2C. I am so thrilled. I know alot can happen to make me end up with another section but at least I have a chance of a vaginal delivery with her which is more than most OBs were giving me.
Cletus is doing well. I think I dropped in the last week because the belly is definitely lower. However my cervix is still closed so I think I have another few weeks in me. I'm definitely starting to feel the hours on my feet every day and while I can work this many hours and be this pregnant, I can't do much else when I get home after. Basketball starts for James very soon and this baby is due right in the middle of the season which should be "interesting" if nothing else.
So right now we are in a holding pattern. Lennart will be here in 28 days and as soon as he is settled into his motel in Columbia, Joe and I can start activities to encourage this baby to come. Poor Joe has been cut off from said activities for over a month now because I didn't want to take the chance of triggering labor so I know he is anxiously counting down the days.
I am nervous and excited for the end of this, my final (theoretically) journey. It has been 12 years since I had a vaginal birth and that scares me a bit I will admit. But I know vaginal is best for me and the baby so we are going for it.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
33w1d...Is it just me....
Or is it not really getting any bigger? I know the baby is actually measuring large for dates so he/she must be in there somewhere....just not sure where.
These
Um....wow
So I got a check in the mail for the refund of midwife fees and it was way more than I thought. I feel so much better about the DH quitting his job now. Yay.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Where to start?
Well I guess I will start with the pregnancy.
On Wednesday I had some bright red bleeding. Since I had not seen the OB yet and had already stopped care with the midwife, and since I was only 32w5d, I headed to OB triage where they saw bleeding coming from the cervix. Fortunately my cervix was still high, tight, and closed. They could never see the source of the bleeding so they monitored me and sent me home. What freaks me out is that here we are, three days later, and old brown blood is still coming out, sometimes in clots. I am really worried that this is placental bleeding and I am so scared for the baby. Thankfuly the baby is very active so I know he/she is okay so far. When I feel like this, though, I am definitely tempted to throw out all of my "natural birth" wishes and just let them get this baby out. I am so tired of worrying about this kid. If I wasn't sure about being done with surrogacy before this week, I am definitely sure now. I am tired of stressing 24/7 about someone else's kid. It feels like way too much responsibility. I am actually looking forward to seeing the OB so she can reassure me that everything is okay. At this point I am scared to death that I will lay here and the placenta will abrupt and the baby will not make it. I did have an ultrasound in the hospital on Wednesday and the placenta looked fine so I am sure I'm being paranoid.
What else is going on?
Well Joe quit his job. It was the right choice but it feels like alot of pressure on me right now. How about I make all the money while being pregnant with someone else's baby? Sure...yeah....I can do that. Glerk.
On Wednesday I had some bright red bleeding. Since I had not seen the OB yet and had already stopped care with the midwife, and since I was only 32w5d, I headed to OB triage where they saw bleeding coming from the cervix. Fortunately my cervix was still high, tight, and closed. They could never see the source of the bleeding so they monitored me and sent me home. What freaks me out is that here we are, three days later, and old brown blood is still coming out, sometimes in clots. I am really worried that this is placental bleeding and I am so scared for the baby. Thankfuly the baby is very active so I know he/she is okay so far. When I feel like this, though, I am definitely tempted to throw out all of my "natural birth" wishes and just let them get this baby out. I am so tired of worrying about this kid. If I wasn't sure about being done with surrogacy before this week, I am definitely sure now. I am tired of stressing 24/7 about someone else's kid. It feels like way too much responsibility. I am actually looking forward to seeing the OB so she can reassure me that everything is okay. At this point I am scared to death that I will lay here and the placenta will abrupt and the baby will not make it. I did have an ultrasound in the hospital on Wednesday and the placenta looked fine so I am sure I'm being paranoid.
What else is going on?
Well Joe quit his job. It was the right choice but it feels like alot of pressure on me right now. How about I make all the money while being pregnant with someone else's baby? Sure...yeah....I can do that. Glerk.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Cowardly
I just told my mom (via email) that I am pregnant with a surrogate baby. She is not a fan of surrogacy (to put it mildly). I do not expect her to take it well. The last surrogacy she told me that I put the surrobabies above my own kids and that I do not meet my own obligations when pregnant with a surrogacy. Hmmmm. I only told her this time because she wanted to "drop by" with my grandpa which would have been horribly awkward. Hmmm. This will not go well.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
40 days from now
I am due in 53 days. In 40 days, the dad will be here to get the baby. I am starting to get really curious as to when this baby will arrive. So far I've had only two real contractions and a handful of Braxton Hicks. I haven't really slowed down anything in my life yet because there doesn't seem to be a reason to. Now if I start getting contractions I will certainly slow down but right now, I'm just going on as usual.
Work is going well. Joe should be getting a settlement from his parents estate in another few weeks. Though it won't be alot, it might be enough to pay off the car that we bought in March. If it does, then we will be debt free except the mortgage and two student loans. That will be an amazing position to be in. Now if we can just keep from ever using the credit cards again.
Kids are doing well. So far everyone is still on the straight and narrow though who knows how long that will last.
Not much else going on. I've stopped whining about seeing an OB and made an appointment in two weeks. I will be 34 weeks at that point and there's really not much intervention left that they can do. I will continue to refuse "routine" ultrasounds, etc., though I will have an ultrasound if we think the baby might be breech, etc. We have developed a few scenarios for labor and I have begun to train DH to be my labor backup (this consists of him practicing screaming, "Listen mean old nurse....she said she doesn't want the flipping epidural") and the training is going well so far. He gave me a scare the other day when he asked me "what the harm would be" in consenting to a few routine tests. After I got done chewing him to pieces, I explained the cascade of interventions concept and while I'm not sure he really "got it", he was sufficiently scared of me to say a meek, "yes dear" which I graciously accepted.
So life goes on right now. Joe is still thinking the baby will come in early November (grrr) and I'm still thinking early December. We shall see. I'm settled in and prepared to enjoy the last few weeks of this, my last (theoretically) pregnancy.
Work is going well. Joe should be getting a settlement from his parents estate in another few weeks. Though it won't be alot, it might be enough to pay off the car that we bought in March. If it does, then we will be debt free except the mortgage and two student loans. That will be an amazing position to be in. Now if we can just keep from ever using the credit cards again.
Kids are doing well. So far everyone is still on the straight and narrow though who knows how long that will last.
Not much else going on. I've stopped whining about seeing an OB and made an appointment in two weeks. I will be 34 weeks at that point and there's really not much intervention left that they can do. I will continue to refuse "routine" ultrasounds, etc., though I will have an ultrasound if we think the baby might be breech, etc. We have developed a few scenarios for labor and I have begun to train DH to be my labor backup (this consists of him practicing screaming, "Listen mean old nurse....she said she doesn't want the flipping epidural") and the training is going well so far. He gave me a scare the other day when he asked me "what the harm would be" in consenting to a few routine tests. After I got done chewing him to pieces, I explained the cascade of interventions concept and while I'm not sure he really "got it", he was sufficiently scared of me to say a meek, "yes dear" which I graciously accepted.
So life goes on right now. Joe is still thinking the baby will come in early November (grrr) and I'm still thinking early December. We shall see. I'm settled in and prepared to enjoy the last few weeks of this, my last (theoretically) pregnancy.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Major suckage
So if this were my baby, I would be having a home birth. You all know this. But it is not my baby, and no matter how many times I try to convince myself that it's my body and that's just as important as it being their baby, that argument just doesn't wash with me.
So I went to plan B. Paid for the midwife out of pocket to the tune of 3700 dollars. Planned to labor at home for as long as possible and then walk down the road to the hospital literally a block away and deliver. Woo hoo. Still get to see the midwife. Still get a normal vaginal delivery (and a VBA2C to boot).
But hold the phone. This is Susan's life....where major suckage waits around random corners. Recently we rounded a corner and ran into him.
Turns out that the charming judge here in backwardsville will not sign the paperwork necessary to get the guys name on the birth certificate. They need that so they can get the passport and citizenship papers for Sweden. Which they need to be able to take their baby home. Why won't the judge sign you ask? Well because they are gay men and it is simply WRONG to be gay. Hmmm. In my mind it's wrong to flaunt your judicial power and it's wrong to judge others and it's wrong to be narrow minded and stuck in the 1930's. But hey who am I right.
So we move on to plan C. We will drive to the next county over, labor in a motel, and run our happy rears across the road to the hospital when I'm crowning. So we call the hospital and ask about procedures, etc. Turns out they won't deliver a mother who does not have an on staff OB. They will ship you out to the other hospital in said town. The other hospital will deliver you if you just show up. Progress. But hold the phone. Susan's life, remember? The judge in slightlymoreprogressiveville will sign the paperwork but only after seeing records from an OB stating that the dads were involved in the pregnancy, etc. Will he accept records from a midwife? Nope. Midwives don't count. Apparently they are almost as offensive to this judge as "gasp" gay men are to the judge in backwardsville. Egads.
So I give up. I have cancelled further midwife appointments. I have eaten the 3700 dollar fee and will get none of it back. I saw her 5 times. So I paid 700 dollars per visit. But who give a shit right? I'm just the hired uterus here and since I get all my money milking the parents it's okay for me to absorb that fee. I scheduled an appointment with an OB. I might as well start scheduling the c-section now.
I'm a tad bit angry and disappointed here. Seems like with this journey, which was supposed to be a picture perfect sibling journey, everything bites, other than the baby. Oh well.
So I went to plan B. Paid for the midwife out of pocket to the tune of 3700 dollars. Planned to labor at home for as long as possible and then walk down the road to the hospital literally a block away and deliver. Woo hoo. Still get to see the midwife. Still get a normal vaginal delivery (and a VBA2C to boot).
But hold the phone. This is Susan's life....where major suckage waits around random corners. Recently we rounded a corner and ran into him.
Turns out that the charming judge here in backwardsville will not sign the paperwork necessary to get the guys name on the birth certificate. They need that so they can get the passport and citizenship papers for Sweden. Which they need to be able to take their baby home. Why won't the judge sign you ask? Well because they are gay men and it is simply WRONG to be gay. Hmmm. In my mind it's wrong to flaunt your judicial power and it's wrong to judge others and it's wrong to be narrow minded and stuck in the 1930's. But hey who am I right.
So we move on to plan C. We will drive to the next county over, labor in a motel, and run our happy rears across the road to the hospital when I'm crowning. So we call the hospital and ask about procedures, etc. Turns out they won't deliver a mother who does not have an on staff OB. They will ship you out to the other hospital in said town. The other hospital will deliver you if you just show up. Progress. But hold the phone. Susan's life, remember? The judge in slightlymoreprogressiveville will sign the paperwork but only after seeing records from an OB stating that the dads were involved in the pregnancy, etc. Will he accept records from a midwife? Nope. Midwives don't count. Apparently they are almost as offensive to this judge as "gasp" gay men are to the judge in backwardsville. Egads.
So I give up. I have cancelled further midwife appointments. I have eaten the 3700 dollar fee and will get none of it back. I saw her 5 times. So I paid 700 dollars per visit. But who give a shit right? I'm just the hired uterus here and since I get all my money milking the parents it's okay for me to absorb that fee. I scheduled an appointment with an OB. I might as well start scheduling the c-section now.
I'm a tad bit angry and disappointed here. Seems like with this journey, which was supposed to be a picture perfect sibling journey, everything bites, other than the baby. Oh well.
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