First belly pic

Really no belly yet to speak of and I look hideous becasue I had just gone for my morning walk but here it is.  18 weeks today.  I look pregnant if I lay down but standing up I just look a little thicker around the middle.  I should "pop" in another month or so. 

 

 

In other news our horridly long weeks at the lab have ended and things are nice and normal again.  Woo hoo.  We survived. 

 

 

Nothing surrogacy related going on.  Oh and yes I know i need to refinish the floor in the picture above.  We are slowing ripping up carpets and finding some wood floor underneath.  This house is a project that will never be done. 

No words

I cannot even put into words the multitude of emotions that Bernadette's blog evokes in me.  You would think that after years of infertility she would be entitled to healthy children.  But I guess in this life no one is entitled to that and those of us with healthy children should just be grateful.  I wish I could think of some way to help her but sadly this is a path that she and her husband and her children must walk.  The whole situation makes me sad and angry.  I know that life isn't fair but sometimes it seems too unfair to others. 

http://www.rastalesstraveled.com/

This

Sometimes someone gets it so right that all you need to do is point in their direction and their words  say it all.  This article is one of those times.

http://www.hlntv.com/article/2012/09/04/bill-and-giuliana-rancic-baby-boy-surrogacy?hpt=hln10_7


I have always said that not everyone will "get" surrogacy and it is rather presumptuous of me to assume that my viewpoint on surrogacy is the right one.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion and there will always be those who think that what surrogates do is wrong.  I can honestly say that I have never met anyone, even the nurses who start out thinking that surrogacy is wrong, who's viewpoint stands up very long when they see the new parents holding their baby.  That look, not only the "Thank you" that Kym speaks of in her article but just the look of overwhelming joy and peace and the look of "Finally we are a family"  is the sole reason I'm a surrogate.  It makes the pain and the hassle and the misunderstandings of others all worth it.  I feel sorry for those who have never been in the room to witness that look.  Fellow surrogates get it.  Parents through surrogacy get it.  If the rest of the world doesn't, that's ok by me. 

Ouch, small goal reached, large goal reached

First for the ouch:  My cars owie was a water pump.  676 dollars later it runs again.  Well except it still says low coolant so back to the shop it goes and back to driving the truck I go.  Luckily it is supposed to be 95 degrees tomorrow so the non-airconditioned truck should be awesome. 

Small goal:  Finally, finally, finally have a guest bedroom in the house.  Over the years, on and off, we've had a guest room but then one of the older kids would need a bed in their house so we'd give them the guest bed and then the room would morph into some other use.  When we bought the dryer and turned the laundry room into a workout room, that allowed the old workout room to become a guest room (confused yet?  So is my hubster. He never knows what a room will be when he walks into it.)  Anywho, today my mom made her guest room into a workout room and gave us her old futon which is actually nice and thick and makes a perfect bed and voila, we have a guest room. It is something small but we have friends coming down for visits several times in the next few months and it's nice to have dedicated room to put them. 

Large goal:  Have I spoken about the husband's mustang obsession?  No? Lucky you.  The man never shuts up about mustangs.  I have been stashing money away for two years to satisfy this need of his and Friday I told him he could buy the one he had his eyes on.  He almost cried.  Of course there's one small problem....it doesn't run but that will be fixed tomorrow (if you are keeping track that will be two cars in two different shops tomorrow). 

16 weeks pregnant now.  Still not really showing.  Feeling occasional movement but not a ton. 

I talked to my mom a lot today about my job situation and what to do.  After talking with her I'm more sure than ever of my choice to quit and just do transcription.  Now to just actually do something about it.  I have never been so sure of a decision in my life and yet so incapable of pulling the trigger on it.  Quick someone send me some balls...I apparently need some. 

15 weeks

It's hard to believe we are already 15 weeks.  I am starting to look a tiny bit preggo but no one can really tell but me.  I usually show around 18ish weeks so I have a bit.  Every now and then I think I feel the Canadian squirm a bit.  I usually rent a doppler to check on the heartrate but have been so busy this time that I never got around to it.  Busy?  Why you ask? 

+ The hubster's truck died.  500 dollars later it now works again. 
+ Promptly three days later the hubster's motorcycle died.  500 dollars later it now works again (are you sensing a theme here?)
+ A week ago my car started leaking coolant.  It goes to the shop tomorrow.  I fully expect it to cost 500 dollars which means it will cost a grand.  Oh well.  I am SO joyful that I get to drive the truck to work next week.  The truck has no a/c.  Joy. 

Work you ask?  You mean like the job I quit?  Well there's that.  I put my notice in and got a complete guilt trip about how if I quit they could not hire anyone else to replace me as there is a hiring freeze due to the horrible economics in the ethanol industry.  That whole drought thing is not any better for us than it is for farmers.  Anywho I agreed to work for an undertermined amount of time, which basically means I will go in some day, get really cranky, and quit.  Until that undertermined date, I am still working there.  Most weeks it's fine but did I mention we are in the midst of a drought?  Well we are.  And drought and heat cause mycotoxins in the corn.  And I am the one at work that tests for mycotxins (what started as a cunning move toward job security has backfired horribly).  We have mycotoxin contamination.  A lot of it.  So I am working A LOT to test for it.  In fact this week I've worked 52 hours.  Egads.  This too shall pass...that's my mantra right now.  I feel really bad for my co-worker and I'm trying to stick it out for her sake but yeah...not having much fun right now.  On a positive note, every month that I delay quitting is one less month I have to pay 900 a month for COBRA health insurance benefits.  When I do finally quit we will buy the COBRA through the duration of the pregnancy and then get a private policy for all of us.  Until then....

Still typing too which is actually pretty relaxing and entertaining.  I'm still astounded by how many people feel discriminated against.  It's very eye opening. 

Younger two kids started high school.  Now if that statement doesn't make you feel old I don't know what will.  Two of older three are in college, the third is working. 

And that's about it.  I just got home from 8 hours at work and need to figure out dinner and then type a bit.  Life is good.  The Canadian dads will be down for the 20 week ultrasound which should be cool as I've never had the parents come for that ultrasound.  Will post a belly pick when there is a belly to get a pic of. 

Good news all around

First and most importantly: 

Bernadette is home.  I cried when I read this post.  I am thrilled for her.  What a trooper she was through her whole Indian adventure. 

http://www.rastalesstraveled.com/

Secondly: 

After being falsely diagnosed with a somewhat horrible disease, I have found out that that diagnosis was wrong and that I will not be:
  1.  Dying of liver cancer.
  2.  Sick as a dog for weeks.
  3.  A danger to the baby I am carrying. 

Can we get a thank heavens on that one? 

This has honestly been the most stressful, worry filled pregnancy I have ever had.  Sick and tired of worrying.  I will have no trouble or issues hanging up the uterus after this adventure because frankly I am DONE being pregnant.  This is majorly sucking and I hate to say that because this is the guys' dream but the all day, every day sickness, the fatigue, the "oh by the way you have a horrible disease" misdiagnosis, the bleeding, the three transfers to get to here.  Stick a fork in me.  The uterus is singing. 

Vaginal birth after 85(ish) c-sections? U crazy lady.

So with my own kids I was a natural birth freak.  Loved labor.  Never took a med.  Delivered at home once before the midwife got there...yadda, yadda, yadda. 

Along comes the first set of surro-twins....placenta previa (undiagnosed), lots of bleeding, hey how about a c-section so you don't die right now.  Yes please. 

Twin set number two.  VBAC...sure...but we don't really mean it we are just telling you that.  When you are in labor in the hospital we will section you unless you want to argue with us in front of your IFs.  Section please. 

Surro singleton number 1:  VBAC...yes please.  Labor for hours.  No progress.  Labor some more.  No progress....oops baby is breech and sunny side up and not pushing on cervix and besides cervix is still pissed off about being called incompetent last time so he's not giving up an inch of dilation.  Fast forward 12ish hours.  No dilation.  No meds.  C-section...yes please.

So you can understand my skepticism today when VBAC was brought up.  I wanted to say, "Lady there's not a snowball's chance in hell that I am ending up with a vaginal birth and you know it but if you want to play modern in touch OB, knock your socks off.  Sure I'll take a VBA3C because you and I both know the hospital will be so supportive of that."  If it were my own kid I would fight for it but yeah...so not thinking my IF who is an ER and ICU physician will be considering this.  So I will say VBAC please while in my heart I know it will be another section. 

Honestly at this point it's whatever.  If the guys get a healthy baby and I don't die, we'll call it all good, retire the severely overused uterus and ride off into the sunset where all good surrogates go.