Friday, August 22, 2014


is so much harder to be ok with when all your geriatric friends are embarking on another round of surrogacy. 

But 99% of the time I am ok with it.  It feels right.  It feels like a wonderful, magical thing that I did and will always be proud of. 

Life here is good.  The boys started their junior year of high school  Holy God how did that happen.  Our babies are 16 and juniors. 

I am still at the plant and typing.  Got another raise at the ethanol plant and the hubster got a raise that same week at his job.  Thank heavens because with two teen drivers that are boys we are bleeding money constantly.  Somehow I doubt the college years will be much better even though we have always said that we won't pay for college for them, just help.  My parents didn't pay for college for me and having to pay for it myself made me appreciate it so much more.  All five kids have always known that they have to either get scholarships, work their way through college, or join the military.

Summer here was weird and strange and good...sort of. We took one trip and the hubster got bitten by a tick and got Lyme Disease.  I wrecked my bike and so did Boy #2. 

Boy #2 is going to have knee surgery next week.  Hopefully this will put an end to his knee pain.

So that's it for us here.  Surro kids are all doing well.  The Canadians are revving up for a sibling with a fellow Missouri surrogate.  I'm thrilled for all of them.  The Swede's youngest baby (carried by another surrogate) turned one two days ago.  As the days continue to roll along and as I get further and further from my active surrogacy days, the more I realize how long term surrogacy is and how really wonderful it is.  My surrogate babies are now 7/7/6/6/3 and 1. 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Where ya been?

I'm baaaaaacccccckkkk.

Well not really back.  Still retired from surrogacy.  After all my wishy-washyness, thankfully a doctor advised me not to carry again and that was the end of the wishy-washy.  Or did he?  That's another story that is too long to get in to.  Long story (very, very, very long story) short is that I am done.  I know I've said it before.  I know I'm a complete flake when it comes to this.  But I think for my health and the sake of my family I need to be done.  And I'm ok with that. 

So what's up in my world now that I'm not obsessing about populating the world with babies for gay men?  Lots.  Lots.  And lots.  We have employed kids...we have scuba classes...we have work galore...and we have a prison escape (maybe?) story that is very Shawshank Redemptionish. So buckle up and hang on.

Boy 2 has a job.  An actual, honest to goodness job.  He installs gutters and comes home and tells me these horrible stories about hanging over the edge of roofs, etc., that make me cringe.  He is happy with the job though, makes good money, and has eased the burden on my checkbook.  That's all good, right?  Boy 3 is frothing at the bit to work.  He is watching the whole working = spending money situation evolve with Boy 2 and he is very anxious to turn 16 and have his turn.  Not long now. 

Scuba classes you say?  Yep.  When I finally laid the idea of surrogacy to rest, I decided to start working on the bucket list.  Item one is to learn to scuba dive.  I am exploring class option as we speak.  Item two on the bucket list is to get another motorcycle.  I really miss mine.  We are picking that up on Thursday.  At this rate I may need to add more to the bucket list.  :) 

Work galore...check.  I am averaging 48 hours a week at the plant and then probably 15 to 20 typing.  It's all good since kids are EXPENSIVE but when I get a moment of free time, I really enjoy it. 

Prison escape?  Do tell. 
This story requires no embellishment.  If it wasn't so wrong and stupid and well...bad, it would be funny. 

So in typical Boy 1 fashion, he can't just behave and do what he is supposed to.  Even in prison.  So he was on cell restriction which basically means you can't leave your cell except to shower and eat (what...the cells aren't locked?  Yeah...I didn't know that either).  Anywho, he decides that he has had enough of this whole cell restriction thing and should head to the gym.  I had not heard from him in a while but knew he was on cell restriction and could not call so I was not worried.   A week or so ago, the husband comes home for lunch and there's a orange envelope in the mailbox with URGENT scrawled on it.  Inside is a violation report from inside the prison.  Apparently Boy 1 left his cell and someone told on him.  (Imagine from here on in official prison lingo).  The guard approaches his cell and knocks.  No answer.  Guard enters cell and yells for the boy to get up.  No answer but he can see him lying on the bed.  Guard kicks the bunk.  No answer.  Guard pulls back blankets to find a perfect mannequin made up of clothes.  This thing has a jacket on, shoes, the whole nine yards.  So they go looking for the idiot and he is headed back to the cell from the gym.  Did I mention he's an idiot.  They could charge him with out of bounds or escape.  Even though he was heading back, because of the elaborate dummy, they charged him with escape.  Not sure what the consequences are for that.   This kid/adult...he has me so confused.  We tried literally everything and from age 13 on he would not behave.  Just would not.  In the nature versus nurture argument, he is a quandary.  If it is nature, then why is his full biological brother a straight A student, excellent athlete, and a hard worker?  If it is I raised him from birth the exact same as I raised his brother.  So not nature...not nurture...perhaps just born a certain way?  I'm not trying to pass blame off of myself.  I made mistakes and I admit I did.  But who doesn't as a parent?  He was loved and always had everything he needed, though maybe not everything he wanted.  I have never really broken a rule in my life other than a speeding ticket or two.  I don't drink and never have.  I can't imagine ever trying a cigarette, much less drugs.  So where does this kid come from?  And how can I understand him?  At this point I just settle for writing him letters and telling him I love him but he has to change his life if he wants to be a part of ours.  Maybe he will some day. 

And that is about it for the update.  I still hear from the parents of four of the six surrogate kids regularly.  I only hear from the dad of the Boston twins about once a year but that is fine...I always said up front that the degree of relationship is totally up to the parents...these are their families and I am happy to have any level of contact that they will grant me. 

Saturday, March 29, 2014


What a crazy life this is.  Just when you think you have something figured out, something else is thrown your way.  I don't even mean that negatively.  I just feel like I can never find a place to just sit and breathe...I am always running to catch up or to at least not get further behind.

This month has seen some changes:

The good:

The boy made first team all conference and first team all district as a sophomore.  He rocks. 

I have finally found a way to make physical exercise and myself a priority in my life.  It requires a 5am wake up call M-F but if that's what it takes, I will do it. 

I got a raise at work...and when I say I got a raise, I mean I got a RAISE.  Like a...holy shit this can't be right, go see HR and tell them my paycheck is wrong and they say no it's not raise. 

Surrogacy might not be 100% off the table for me.

I have 100% weaned, the pump is put away and while I don't have my boobs back yet, I no longer have Dolly Parton's boobs either.

The bad:

Surrogacy might not be 100% off the table for me.

The boy backed into a pole with his truck...800 dollars later.

The boy dropped and broke his phone (this one cost me nothing...he can live with a broken phone...told the punk to put a case on it but oh no...he's too cool for a case). 

So yeah.  Life is pretty good right now.  I ran/walked a 5K this morning to support colorectal cancer support.  Afterwards I tried to go to the new donut shop but it was so busy I turned away. I may not have resisted due to my awesome willpower but the end result is that I still didn't have donut.  Score. 

That's about it.  Until next time. 

Friday, March 7, 2014

Done and donner/doner?

This blog post shall be the tale of two dones: 

Done 1:  I'm done pumping.  I had noticed when my milk would sit in the fridge and settle before bagging it,  it no longer had a thick fat layer on it.  I really thought nothing of it.  Perhaps I should have.  I got a call from the milk bank and they can no longer accept my milk because it doesn't have enough nutrition in it.  So obviously I also don't want to be donating this milk to anyone else either.  I'm glad they told me because some of my donor babies are preemies and they NEED nutrition, not just white water which is basically what my milk has turned into.  Not sure why but there you have it.  So I'm done pumping and other than the usual hormones related to that, I'm feeling great about it.  I can't wait to reclaim my time and my body.

Done 2:  Basketball season is done.  We lost a heartbreaker last night.  On a positive note, the boy was voted first team all conference, the first time that has happened for a sophomore at MHS in a LONG time.  Now to get an MRI of that knee and see what the verdict is. 

That's it for me.  Not much else going on.  Life is good.  The surrobubs are 7,7,5,5,3, and 1.  Holy crap.  That's a lot of surrogate kids. 

Saturday, February 1, 2014

To wean or not to wean

I have been pumping for 50 weeks now.  It has positives and negatives:


5 times a day I get to read my book while I pump

I get to eat like a crazy person and still not gain weight, in fact my weight has slowly dropped, and I will lose another five pounds of boob weight when I wean

I babysat my exclusively breastfed one week old grandson last night and had no issues because I could breastfeed him.  (Chill out...his mom and I talked about this...I didn't just randomly breastfeed him). 

I donate to two babies and send my leftovers to the PMB so it allows me to continue feeling like I am helping others, my favorite part of surrogacy. 



I miss sleeping without a bra

I have a more intimate relationship with my pump than I do with my husband

It takes up those crucial 8 minutes of free time I have each day 

So yeah...I want to stop pumping.  I'm over it.  But when I think of stopping I get an almost panicky sensation.  This is it.  The last link to the fertile years.  I know, I know...get the heck over it already woman.  You are almost 42.  The fertile years are supposed to be over.  GROW UP.  If you stop you can train for a 10K without almost putting an eye out.  You will have free time. 

I feel like I need an intervention.  I wish I could just stop cold turkey but that's probably not going to happen since I pump 6ish times a day and exploding boob syndrome doesn't sound like something I want to explore. 

If someone could please fedex me some willpower it would be much appreciated. 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Were you really expecting me to stay away?

Come on guys...haven't I proven myself to be flaky and unreliable when it comes to stuff like this.  Here are some recent pics which I got permission to share.  These are all of the surrogate babies I have carried other than the Boston twins.  I did just get some handwritten notes from them though (yes...I'm old enough that my first surrogate twins can now write...older means wiser though, right?  Right?)

First up is Ben, the Canadian.  His dads still want a sibling.  They still would like me to carry it.

Next we have Aurora, aka Cletus for those long time readers, aka the ESS for those from SMO.  She is holding Amelie, the baby carried by their new surrogate in Oregon.

Next up we have Georg, or Baby A from the infamous ESB twins.  He is also holding Amelie. 

Last but not least we have Adrian, Baby B of the ESB twins.  He is the true wildcat of the bunch.  Amelie appears to be a picture hog.  ;)

As I have said before, surrogacy is not something you do for a few years and then go back to your regular life with no ongoing reminders.  If you are lucky, which I consider myself to be incredibly lucky in this regard, you get ongoing pictures and updates which show you that this brief period in your life has not just been a way to feed your pregnancy obsession, but rather a way to grow families. 

Saturday, December 14, 2013


I had requested my medical records from my last pregnancy and delivery and they have been slowly trickling in.  Today, I got the final batch, which are my delivery records.  Right there, in black and white, it says something to the tune of thinning lower uterine segment and that while pregnancy could be achieved and end normally with a healthy baby, it is not recommended.  I expected to feel upset if I ever saw that.  I expected to feel robbed.  Instead I just feel relieved.  It's really over.  The child bearing years are over.  I know some surrogates would probably go ahead and carry because it doesn't specifically say I can't.  But for me, the risk is not worth it.  I want to see my kids grow up.  I don't want to be a danger to any baby I might be carrying.  It's over.  And that's ok.  I have grown 8 children.  I have made four families, including my own.  I was pregnant seven times and did it with grace (mostly) and serenity (mostly) and really rocked it.  I'm ok to go out on top so to speak.  I don't want to be one of those women who defines herself with pregnancy and can't move on.  I don't want to change my last name to Duggar. 

So that's it.  The blog ends here.  I'm sure no one wants to hear my ongoing updates about my child who plays basketball or my hectic crazy life.  I don't feel comfortable sharing pictures of the surrogate kids as they get older because they are not my children.  I don't feel comfortable sharing updates about my step-kids because they are not mine and it might not be ok with their parents if I shared (so if you've ever wondered why I talk more about one kid than the's because he's the only one I feel like I can really talk about...the others are all super awesome too). 

So finally, after eight years, multiple formats, multiple surrogacy journey's, enough tears and laughter and joy and FAMILIES, it is with a tear in my eye and a smile in my heart that I write

The End.