Saturday, December 14, 2013


I had requested my medical records from my last pregnancy and delivery and they have been slowly trickling in.  Today, I got the final batch, which are my delivery records.  Right there, in black and white, it says something to the tune of thinning lower uterine segment and that while pregnancy could be achieved and end normally with a healthy baby, it is not recommended.  I expected to feel upset if I ever saw that.  I expected to feel robbed.  Instead I just feel relieved.  It's really over.  The child bearing years are over.  I know some surrogates would probably go ahead and carry because it doesn't specifically say I can't.  But for me, the risk is not worth it.  I want to see my kids grow up.  I don't want to be a danger to any baby I might be carrying.  It's over.  And that's ok.  I have grown 8 children.  I have made four families, including my own.  I was pregnant seven times and did it with grace (mostly) and serenity (mostly) and really rocked it.  I'm ok to go out on top so to speak.  I don't want to be one of those women who defines herself with pregnancy and can't move on.  I don't want to change my last name to Duggar. 

So that's it.  The blog ends here.  I'm sure no one wants to hear my ongoing updates about my child who plays basketball or my hectic crazy life.  I don't feel comfortable sharing pictures of the surrogate kids as they get older because they are not my children.  I don't feel comfortable sharing updates about my step-kids because they are not mine and it might not be ok with their parents if I shared (so if you've ever wondered why I talk more about one kid than the's because he's the only one I feel like I can really talk about...the others are all super awesome too). 

So finally, after eight years, multiple formats, multiple surrogacy journey's, enough tears and laughter and joy and FAMILIES, it is with a tear in my eye and a smile in my heart that I write

The End. 

Friday, December 6, 2013

Or not?

The verdict on the knee is a tiny tear in the meniscus.  It will not hurt him to play with it that way, it's just if he can tolerate the pain.  He seems to have my pain tolerance (have C-section on Friday, leave hospital on Saturday, drive myself home in manual transmission car, go back to work on Monday) so he has decided to play as long as he can and then get it fixed in the off season.  I agreed to this only because the doctor says it won't do further damage to the knee if he continues to play with it injured.  He has adapted to the pain enough now where he no longer even takes ibuprofen.  I will have to have a talk with him about our weird pain tolerance...while it seems like a blessing and in most ways it is, in some ways it's not good because we don't have pain to warn us off from things in the way that normal people do. 

So that's that.  I took a day off from everything today and had grand plans but as usual, I've done absolutely nothing.  I can't resist the lure of a lazy day at home sometimes. 

Guys are still wanting a sibling.  I am still on the fence.  I got a gorgeous Christmas card from the Swedes.  Not much else going on here.  Basketball is our life right now.