Sunday, September 22, 2013

I actually did it

Anyone who has read here for awhile can tell you that the one word that truly describes me when making major decisions is FLAKE.  Yes I'm a flake.  I admit it.  I will make up my mind and then start thinking of the cons instead of the pros and go around and around in circles for MONTHS or even worse, YEARS.  The hubster, understandably, has had enough of this.  He basically told me to shit or get off the pot when it comes to these major decisions.  So, in his eloquent phrasing, I shit.  I started making major decisions like I was slashing vegetation in the jungle.  It was an exciting and scary.  When the dust settled this is what we had left:

1.  I gave my notice for my lab job.  My last day is November 1st.  That will get them through my co-workers long ass vacation but not her two hand surgeries.  I feel like somewhat of an ass for that but I had to just draw a line because every time I would have a tentative date in my head, they would have something else come up. The bottom line is that my coworker is not reliable.  Her job is not a priority to her and she will admit that.  She is gone A LOT and if I were to try to find a date to leave that does not coincide with her having a medical procedure or a vacation or a life crisis, then that date would be years from now or more likely never.  The final straw came when I realized that between now and the end of the year she was going to be gone three significant chunks of time and that I was still expected to go to South Dakota for training, with a complete stranger.  Enough.  Notice is in.  No turning back now.  I am relieved. 

2.  By making choice one final, I have made choice two.  My surrogacy days are over.  I have bought high deductible (10000 individual/20000 family) health insurance that does not cover maternity.  I am ok with this too. 

So there you have it.  In six short weeks I will be at home, working only one job (and pumping) instead of working two (and pumping).  I seriously cannot wait.  My house has been neglected for 21 months while  I worked two jobs...and 16 of those 21 months I have either been pregnant or pumping.  I am EXHAUSTED.  And if it doesn't work out, it will be fine.  I have a four year degree in Chemistry with minors in Biology and Psychology.  I graduated summa cum laude with straight A's.  I did all of this with five kids at home, later in life.  I have six years of lab experience, working with HPLC, IC, NIR and ethanol technology.  I can get another job.  I am hoping I can work from home for a few years, to spend the last years with the boys until they graduate but I am flexible and if I need to work elsewhere I will.  I realize I will probably have to start over again in terms of salary but I'm ok with that.  It will all work out.  I feel decided and that is so nice after months or years of indecisiveness.  I am looking forward to working out more, spending more time with my children and grandchildren, and getting more sleep.  I will continue to pump for a few more months, until it feels right to stop that. 

I am not sure the hubster believes me...I think he thinks I will change my mind.  I can totally understand why he would feel that way, given my prior flakiness on the subject.  But as I sit here, it just feels right.  It is time.  Change is good and I'm excited and happy to find out what this next chapter of my life will bring. 

Sunday, September 8, 2013

It's been a month.

A month since I clicked on this blog and checked things out.  There was a time when surrogacy consumed my life but now it seems to only occupy a tiny corner.  That seems weird to me after so long of having it be the focus.

The Swedes had their baby, a little girl named Amelie and they will be here in MO in the next week or so.  We are still very much looking forward to seeing them.  I'm not sure what adventures they have planned for their time here but I know that this is their great American adventure for the boys so they will surely take quite a few day trips.  The new baby apparently is a great sleeper for them and doing really well.  They seem busy but really happy. 

On the homefront for me we have several developments.  I turned in my notice for my lab job.  It is a huge step and no turning back now.  I gave them a long notice and will work through my coworkers upcoming cruise and a surgery she has planned but by the 1st week of November, I will be home, just typing and who knows what else.  It feels scary but right.  It was time.  To prepare for that we are frantically paying off a few small bills and stocking up the pantry and the deep freeze.  I am excited and scared and can't wait. 

One of the main reasons that I wanted to find more time in my life was so that I could resume exercising.  I don't in any way think I am fat but I want to be toned again.  I miss exercise.  The hubster and I have started running again but I can't wait to not work 12 hours a day so that I can have the time to really exercise. 

I requested and received my medical records from my last pregnancy in the mail the other day.  I put them in my file "just in case".  I always keep a copy of all of our medical records because you just never know when you might need that know like if you were going to do a fifth surrogacy or something crazy like that.  ;0) 

Not that I will be doing a surrogacy any time soon, if ever, because I am STILL pumping.  Still.  Seven months later.  I must be crazy.  Amelie will be getting some of my breast milk when the Swedes are here.  What can I say, I'm a firm believer in the importance of breast milk if it is possible for a baby to receive it. 

The boys are enmeshed in their sophomore year of high school if you can believe that.  Where does the time go? 

And that's our life right now.  Hubster got his inspection license and so is no longer the low man on the totem pole at work.  We are scheduled to run/walk a 5K in October.  Those are the only tidbits of info I can think of right now. 

I'm off to get ready for another week at work.  Not long and Sunday's will be just like every other day.  The biggest issue so far is finding health insurance that we can afford but I am exploring our options.  Hubster's job no longer offers health insurance so we will have to buy a private policy for the four of us.  It's hard to get quotes right now because no one knows what Obamacare will do to rates.  Fingers crossed it is not too horribly expensive, but I really expect it to be. 

I will try to check in more often though as you can see, life is pretty sedate around here right now.