Anyone who has read here for awhile can tell you that the one word that truly describes me when making major decisions is FLAKE. Yes I'm a flake. I admit it. I will make up my mind and then start thinking of the cons instead of the pros and go around and around in circles for MONTHS or even worse, YEARS. The hubster, understandably, has had enough of this. He basically told me to shit or get off the pot when it comes to these major decisions. So, in his eloquent phrasing, I shit. I started making major decisions like I was slashing vegetation in the jungle. It was an exciting and scary. When the dust settled this is what we had left:
1. I gave my notice for my lab job. My last day is November 1st. That will get them through my co-workers long ass vacation but not her two hand surgeries. I feel like somewhat of an ass for that but I had to just draw a line because every time I would have a tentative date in my head, they would have something else come up. The bottom line is that my coworker is not reliable. Her job is not a priority to her and she will admit that. She is gone A LOT and if I were to try to find a date to leave that does not coincide with her having a medical procedure or a vacation or a life crisis, then that date would be years from now or more likely never. The final straw came when I realized that between now and the end of the year she was going to be gone three significant chunks of time and that I was still expected to go to South Dakota for training, with a complete stranger. Enough. Notice is in. No turning back now. I am relieved.
2. By making choice one final, I have made choice two. My surrogacy days are over. I have bought high deductible (10000 individual/20000 family) health insurance that does not cover maternity. I am ok with this too.
So there you have it. In six short weeks I will be at home, working only one job (and pumping) instead of working two (and pumping). I seriously cannot wait. My house has been neglected for 21 months while I worked two jobs...and 16 of those 21 months I have either been pregnant or pumping. I am EXHAUSTED. And if it doesn't work out, it will be fine. I have a four year degree in Chemistry with minors in Biology and Psychology. I graduated summa cum laude with straight A's. I did all of this with five kids at home, later in life. I have six years of lab experience, working with HPLC, IC, NIR and ethanol technology. I can get another job. I am hoping I can work from home for a few years, to spend the last years with the boys until they graduate but I am flexible and if I need to work elsewhere I will. I realize I will probably have to start over again in terms of salary but I'm ok with that. It will all work out. I feel decided and that is so nice after months or years of indecisiveness. I am looking forward to working out more, spending more time with my children and grandchildren, and getting more sleep. I will continue to pump for a few more months, until it feels right to stop that.
I am not sure the hubster believes me...I think he thinks I will change my mind. I can totally understand why he would feel that way, given my prior flakiness on the subject. But as I sit here, it just feels right. It is time. Change is good and I'm excited and happy to find out what this next chapter of my life will bring.