I had requested my medical records from my last pregnancy and delivery and they have been slowly trickling in. Today, I got the final batch, which are my delivery records. Right there, in black and white, it says something to the tune of thinning lower uterine segment and that while pregnancy could be achieved and end normally with a healthy baby, it is not recommended. I expected to feel upset if I ever saw that. I expected to feel robbed. Instead I just feel relieved. It's really over. The child bearing years are over. I know some surrogates would probably go ahead and carry because it doesn't specifically say I can't. But for me, the risk is not worth it. I want to see my kids grow up. I don't want to be a danger to any baby I might be carrying. It's over. And that's ok. I have grown 8 children. I have made four families, including my own. I was pregnant seven times and did it with grace (mostly) and serenity (mostly) and really rocked it. I'm ok to go out on top so to speak. I don't want to be one of those women who defines herself with pregnancy and can't move on. I don't want to change my last name to Duggar.
So that's it. The blog ends here. I'm sure no one wants to hear my ongoing updates about my child who plays basketball or my hectic crazy life. I don't feel comfortable sharing pictures of the surrogate kids as they get older because they are not my children. I don't feel comfortable sharing updates about my step-kids because they are not mine and it might not be ok with their parents if I shared (so if you've ever wondered why I talk more about one kid than the others...it's because he's the only one I feel like I can really talk about...the others are all super awesome too).
So finally, after eight years, multiple formats, multiple surrogacy journey's, enough tears and laughter and joy and FAMILIES, it is with a tear in my eye and a smile in my heart that I write