Member of the club

http://www.rastalesstraveled.com/2013/04/falling-gently.html

Bernadette's posts make me cry every time I read them.  Part of it is that she is an amazingly descriptive writer.  But part of it is that she and I are members of a club that no mother ever wants to be a member of.   We both lost children way too early.  Samantha would be 18 this year.  I go weeks without ever thinking of her but whenever I go past a softball game or a gymnastics meet or a girls clothing store I wonder who she would have been.  I have five kids and have given birth to six kids for others.  My heart is full and always will be, but there will also always be a hole in it, an area of sadness for the only biological daughter I ever had. 

Weird but true

Weird factoid of the day:  I have pumped after every surrogacy.  The first three times, when my milk would let down, my armpits would itch.  See...I said it was weird. This time, when my milk lets down I get this incredible feeling of sadness that lasts for maybe 10 seconds.  I think I miss my armpits itching.