Saturday, October 9, 2010

Where to start?

Well I guess I will start with the pregnancy.

On Wednesday I had some bright red bleeding. Since I had not seen the OB yet and had already stopped care with the midwife, and since I was only 32w5d, I headed to OB triage where they saw bleeding coming from the cervix. Fortunately my cervix was still high, tight, and closed. They could never see the source of the bleeding so they monitored me and sent me home. What freaks me out is that here we are, three days later, and old brown blood is still coming out, sometimes in clots. I am really worried that this is placental bleeding and I am so scared for the baby. Thankfuly the baby is very active so I know he/she is okay so far. When I feel like this, though, I am definitely tempted to throw out all of my "natural birth" wishes and just let them get this baby out. I am so tired of worrying about this kid. If I wasn't sure about being done with surrogacy before this week, I am definitely sure now. I am tired of stressing 24/7 about someone else's kid. It feels like way too much responsibility. I am actually looking forward to seeing the OB so she can reassure me that everything is okay. At this point I am scared to death that I will lay here and the placenta will abrupt and the baby will not make it. I did have an ultrasound in the hospital on Wednesday and the placenta looked fine so I am sure I'm being paranoid.

What else is going on?
Well Joe quit his job. It was the right choice but it feels like alot of pressure on me right now. How about I make all the money while being pregnant with someone else's baby? Sure...yeah....I can do that. Glerk.

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