Sunday, August 8, 2010

Irrational fear of dying

Does anyone else have this? I find that lately I am terrified of dying. I am all gung ho for a natural labor at home and then a quick trip to the hospital for delivery 99% of the time. And yet the other 1% I find myself terrified that my uterus will rupture or I will bleed uncontrollably. And it's not that I'm scared to die for myself....I'm petrified of leaving my son. He is only 12 and has already lost his father. He is so vulnerable and I feel like his losing me would be the last straw. I can't imagine how my IF must feel....knowing that he has stage 4 cancer and having 2 children and a third on the way. I am sure he has the same fears and yet his must be so much more concrete.

Okay....there's my share of crazy for the day. Return to your regularly scheduled programming now.


  1. Yes. I've only ever delivered via c-section, and while I've never had any complications, the days leading up to surgery freak me out because of all the 'what-ifs'. It's just one reason I really want to be done.

  2. I think death is always something we think about, even though we do not want to. Some of us have different aspects on life..but I believe we do go to heaven no matter what religion, or sexual prefrence we are.. I am so grateful as a lesbian and chritian plus being a surro mom myself, doing what you do...we will all be at a greater place someday..peace