Saturday, September 11, 2010

Back and feeling like myself again

Well we survived the funeral and I am feeling much better. Funny note about the funeral.....a friend of DD's made a slideshow to play on the laptop showing DD preggo and then pics of the babies. The music they chose was rap music. I kid you not. The same song, over and over again. I finally went over and turned the volume way down. I think they were too scared of me to call me on it.

So DD has moved in with her boyfriend and now lives about an hour away. Other DD is involved in school and work. Oldest DS is busy with his friends and doesn't live at home anymore either. We are back to our nice calm life with our two 12 year olds and we are loving it. Praise God for calmness.

Cletus has had a growth spurt. I was measuring the boys today to find out what size pants to buy them next week, so I measured my waist also. It is 39 inches, up 4 inches in just 2 weeks. Egads. I have gained about 18 pounds which I guess is okay. I don't worry much about the weight because I know we have a massive workout schedule ahead of us after this baby comes.

Confession time: I am really hoping for a vaginal birth for many reasons. It's better for the baby, better for me, and easier to recover on. Yet a part of me (here comes the confession) really wants a vaginal birth so that I can carry again. I know that that is crazy. I should be done with surrogacy. After this journey I will have delivered 5 beautiful babies to three wonderful men. That should be enough. Why am I already having this craving again? What is wrong with me? It's not that I can't find fulfillment in other areas of my's just that nothing makes me feel as complete and as wonderful as surrogacy does. But my DH would KILL me if he knew I was even thinking of another journey. Oh well. I need to get this baby grown, delivered, and then physcially recover from that. We are doing P90X immediately postpartum and then I'm going to do a triathalon. By the time I do all that I will be 39 and hopefully too old for surrogacy. Plus the kids just keep getting busier each year. I am not going to rush into anything and I hope the craving will go away.

1 comment:

  1. The craving still hits me from time to time. I'll admit, when I was in NYC a few weeks ago visiting my second FIF, I was really hoping he'd tell me he wants a sibling for the girls (cuz being a single dad to two isn't enough??). But at the same time, the further I get from it, and the more my body keeps getting back to normal (I think it'll take a total of 3 years, I'm just over 1), I really just want to focus on my own life. Just give it time after you deliver, and don't jump into anything in the first 9-12 months (I think we're especially vulnerable for the first year postpartum).