Ok, I admit it. I read a lot of other surrogate blogs. And surrogacy in India blogs. And surrogacy after infertility blogs. And IP and IF and IM blogs. I am a bit blog obsessed, truth be told.
Many, many, many of those blogs are currently sharing about being pregnant, cycling, delivery, or being immediately post-partum. And as crazy as it sounds (or frankly as crazy as it is), I am so jealous I could spit green monsters. I am incredibly happy for all those surrogates and parents and don't want to take their journey's away from them, I just wish I had another journey of my own. Wow, does that make me a bad person, or what? I mean, I have had three wonderful journey's. I have grown five happy, healthy, well-cared for and very loved children. I have helped create two families. I have helped make three men into daddies and innumerable people into grandparents. Wouldn't you think that would be enough? It scares me to think that this desire to carry again and be in the thick of the surrogacy action will never go away. I was sure that if I just waited long enough, the desire would go away. It's like an itch that I can't, or more precisely won't, scratch. I was sure that one full year of normal life would dampen the cravings but there they still are.
I think I need something of my own to invest myself in. I mean I have my family and my work but I think I need some sort of physical pursuit. Maybe a karate class or a new class at the YMCA? I don't know. But I need to explore something because while I'm incredibly satisfied with my family and my work. there's still something incomplete feeling in my life. I would love to fill that with another surrogacy but since that does not seem to be the right choice, I guess I'll go and look at some other options. Hey, maybe a year from now you'll see me on the obscure sports network breaking boards in a tae-kwon-do competition. Ya never know, right?