Ok, I admit it. I read a lot of other surrogate blogs. And surrogacy in India blogs. And surrogacy after infertility blogs. And IP and IF and IM blogs. I am a bit blog obsessed, truth be told.
Many, many, many of those blogs are currently sharing about being pregnant, cycling, delivery, or being immediately post-partum. And as crazy as it sounds (or frankly as crazy as it is), I am so jealous I could spit green monsters. I am incredibly happy for all those surrogates and parents and don't want to take their journey's away from them, I just wish I had another journey of my own. Wow, does that make me a bad person, or what? I mean, I have had three wonderful journey's. I have grown five happy, healthy, well-cared for and very loved children. I have helped create two families. I have helped make three men into daddies and innumerable people into grandparents. Wouldn't you think that would be enough? It scares me to think that this desire to carry again and be in the thick of the surrogacy action will never go away. I was sure that if I just waited long enough, the desire would go away. It's like an itch that I can't, or more precisely won't, scratch. I was sure that one full year of normal life would dampen the cravings but there they still are.
I think I need something of my own to invest myself in. I mean I have my family and my work but I think I need some sort of physical pursuit. Maybe a karate class or a new class at the YMCA? I don't know. But I need to explore something because while I'm incredibly satisfied with my family and my work. there's still something incomplete feeling in my life. I would love to fill that with another surrogacy but since that does not seem to be the right choice, I guess I'll go and look at some other options. Hey, maybe a year from now you'll see me on the obscure sports network breaking boards in a tae-kwon-do competition. Ya never know, right?
I am right there with you. I am even jealous of your three journeys! I've given so much of myself just to have a second. I can only read so much of other surrogacy blogs. I am completely happy for everyone, but that doesn't keep me from feeling sorry for myself. I try to keep in perspective that I'm lucky to have at least had the ONE successful journey, when I know that there are so many others out there who never even make it THAT far.
ReplyDeleteMy "other" thing has been writing. I've stuck myself face-first into writing on my blog, and now on Aiming Low (http://aiminglow.com). As of last week, I've been made one of the editors at AL. Having this other interest of blogging/social media is a replacement to plug in the holes that not being successful at a second surrogacy journey has left. It definitely helps to have something to fill in the gaps.
xoxo