Med screening

scheduled for June 3rd as long as my body cooperates and AF starts by then. Last time I had to go to CT for med screening it was a 22 hour day. Leave home, drive to St. Louis airport (2.5 hour drive), fly to ny, make it to ct, do screening, drive back to ny, fly home, drive from stl to home. LONG LONG DAY. At least it's a Friday, right? I will know more as I get close to that date. Contract negotiations are ongoing. Not much else going on. Rehearsal for wedding tomorrow and then wedding in two days.

Doom and gloom no more

So I found my spirit again and I'm back and kicking. You know the old saying...you can't keep a good dog down.

I spoke with the attorney today about contracts. I have a standard contract I use every time and it's a pretty simple thing. She already submitted my contract to the other attorney and so far the only change is a life insurance thing....I was trying to save them some money since I already have life insurance but they insist on buying another policy. No big deal to me. Once contracts are done, I anticipate medical screening in the next few months and then if I pass and the egg donor passes, we will go to cycle synching and then transfer. I am hoping that on the transfer trip I can meet up with a few people on the east coast. My first surrogate babies (toddlers or actually kids) live in Boston and I have not seen them in person in over four years. They will be five in December. Wow. I also have a friend from the surrogacy world I would like to meet up with.

I have a business trip planned in August and hope to meet another surrogate at that time (that is if she has not flown the coop and left Sioux Falls for California).

That's all I have for now. Wedding this weekend. The brother in law is coming and staying at my house. Kill me now. :)

Speed demon?

I don't speed. Ever. If the speed limit is 55 then I'm that one crazy driver going 55. I set my cruise at 55. Not 57. Not even 56.

Imagine my co-workers surprise then when I bought a chevy cobalt ss turbo. The speedometer says 160 and feeling the "get up" under the hood, I believe it would do it.

One c0-worker leaves work right after me pretty frequently. And he passes me on the way home every time. He is a speeder. He passed me on the way home yesterday and then came in the lab today. He was jokingly teasing me about the SS in my car name standing for Super Slow. He was jokingly teasing me about my car only needing a 3 speed transmission. He said I should go ahead and speed because even though it's a red car, I'm a woman and wouldn't get a ticket because I have boobs. He was kidding and I took it as a joke. I replied that I only have big boobs when I'm pregnant and that I'm not currently pregnant. That is all I said. And then, out of the blue, this man who I have worked with every day for four years, this man who I thought was my friend, crossed the line that so many think it is okay to cross. He said, "What are you going to do when you want another car in a few years? Have another baby for another fag?" I was dumbstruck. I wanted to bite back. However I attempted to maintain my dignity and merely said that that comment was not okay.

I am tired of this. I am tired of being judged. I am not a saint. I am also not the devil. I do not cure cancer with surrogacy but I also don't cause pain or suffering. I help make families. Why is that so bad? What is it about surrogacy that makes others think that rude comments are okay? I spoke with my boss about it because I feel like if these comments are still coming at 5 months postpartum, when I never speak of surrogacy and my c0-workers have no idea that I'm planning another surrogacy, things are never going to die down. What did my boss say? My Christian boss said, and I quote, "You are doing something immoral. You can't expect people to treat you well when you are doing something that is so wrong." And she walked away. I was speechless. I ranted to my c0-worker for a moment and noticed that she was not answering. I looked in her face and could tell she was on their side. I don't talk about surrogacy at work and never will, but really? Really? I feel so alone sometimes. I wish I lived in a big town. I wish others understood why I feel compelled to be a surrogate. Is it just the money that others find offensive? No one in my town knows what I get paid and the few that have been crass enough to guess have greatly overestimated the amount.

I dream of taking a job where no one knows I'm a surrogate. Perhaps I will some day. For now, I will hunker down and hold my head high. These people, who I think of as my friends, will not make me cry and if they do, they will not see the tears. I am doing what I feel is right. I stand behind my decision to help create families. I know in my heart that my choices on this matter are right. I just wish that I was not so alone. I wish I had one good friend to stand by my side, to stand up for me on this issue. I wish someone other than my husband and children had my back on this. When I started down this road 5 years ago I had no idea how lonely surrogacy would be. I have online surrogate friends and I treasure them but somehow, when standing in a plant full of men, trying to prove myself in a male dominated field, those online friends seem so far away. My husband seems so far away. It feels like it is me against them and even though I know I am right, there are more of them and even though each mean word of theirs only inflicts a small wound, those wounds add up over time. Note to self: surrogacy number four is going to require some thicker armor.

Speedy aren't we?

Today I opened my email box and what should I find but a rough draft of my contract. Wow. Can we say fast? I am not even 5 months postpartum yet. I can't believe how quickly this is going. Of course things will slow way down now. I have to be scheduled for my all day medical screening in CT and that probably won't happen until June or July. Then they will put me on BCPs and synch my cycle with the egg donors cycle. I am still thinking that if everything goes perfect (which it never does) we still won't be transferring before September. This summer is going to fly by though so I am thinking I will be transferring before we know it. But I guess I should not assume anything...it's always possible that my medical screening won't go well. I'm no spring chicken anymore.

I am on a cooking binge lately. I made some pulled pork in the crockpot tonight that is to die for. I then put it on hoagie rolls with ham and turkey and swiss cheese and mozzarella and then put them in the broiler. They were so good. I also made a homemade chocolate mousse. Not to mention the cupcakes. Let me describe these cupcakes:
Double chocolate cake
Chocolate mousse filling
Chocolate frosting
Chopped up snickers bars on top.

OH MY HEAVENS.

*MATCHED*

Yay. Guess they liked me after all. I am so excited. More to follow later. Off to an incredibly boring Catholic school play tonight.

Pictures

Today I got pictures in the mail from my Swedish guys. Aurora is getting so big and chunky. The boys are both thinning out and look like boys and not babies. Wow. I spoke with the Canadian guys on Saturday. I thought the conversation went really well but then at the end of the conversation there was a pause where in past matches we have all agreed to work together. Nothing was said, however. I emailed Circle and told them I would gladly work with the guys. Had the guys felt the same way, then they would have emailed Circle also and Circle would have emailed me today. I got no email. I think it's safe to say they have decided to pursue surrogacy with a younger surrogate who has not had 3 c-sections. I can't say I blame them. As an IP, you want to hedge your bets so why pick a surrogate with 3 c-sections when you can have one with none? I actually have no hard feelings about it. As I told them during our conversation, they need to pick a surrogate who they feel meets all of their needs. If that is not me then I accept that. Not sure what is next. Life here is so busy and stressful right now. I honestly don't even want to think about anything but surviving the next two weeks. We have one daughter getting married and a very important OB appointment for the other daughter. In 2 weeks I will be a mother-in-law and in 6 months I will be a grandma. I bought an adorable frog onesie this weekend and gave it to my step-daughter. It's really fun to buy baby clothes. :)

A link

I don't usually link other blogs here but this one is really, really great. The surface back story is that this is a mother who found out at 32ish weeks pregnant that her baby had passed away. She is a wonderful writer. Now, 16 years after the death of my daughter, every single post of hers brings me to tears. I wish I could give her a hug and tell her that it does get better. But I know that she would not believe me because when people gave me a hug after Samantha was born and then passed away and told me that it would get better, there was no way that I could see through the fog enough to believe them. http://losingbabycolton.blogspot.com/