I spent all day today shopping with my husband. We got all the X-mas shopping done and as we were driving home I realized how utterly exhaused I am by my life right now. I indulged in a bit of self pity and was frankly wallowing and then I read this:
http://www.rastalesstraveled.com/2012/12/on-being-mom-in-world-of-ten.html
It brought back the day that I had the ultrasound with Samantha and was told she would die shortly after birth. It made me realize how good my life is and how bad it could be. It made me ashamed of my wallowing. And it made me hurt so badly for Bernadette. No one should lose a child. But even worse, no one should know ahead of time they will lose a child. It is excrutiating. It is wrong. It leaves you broken and even if it has been more than 17 years since my own personal broken moment, I remember it well. I'm so sorry Bernadette. I wish things could be different.
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