It suddenly hit me that in 8 weeks or less I will be done being pregnant forever. In 8 weeks or less I will have helped to complete another family. That will make six surrogate babies completing three families. Six sets of grandparents who never thought they would be grandparents. Five men who are fathers even when they were told that the odds of a gay man being a biological father were slim.
It is a bittersweet feeling for me. The pregnancy has flown and has been more good than bad. I will miss the Canadian in the same way I miss Cletus, the ESB's and Fred and George (way too much to go into to explain the code names for the previous surrobabes). I will miss being pregnant. I will miss surrogacy, which has been such a huge part of my life for so many years. I know it sounds cheesy but I honestly feel like surrogacy has been my way to make a difference in the world. Now, in addition to the usual "what now" feelings that follow any surrogacy, there will be a huge "what now" as in "what do I do to feel relevant now that surrogacy is gone". Now don't get me wrong...I know I am relevant...it's just that surrogacy has been such a huge part of my life. Moving on from it is scary in a way, just like any major change in life is scary.
However life goes on. There are new adventures to be had, vacations to take that don't revolve around embryo transfers, new job adventures to pursue now that I won't be tied to my job for the awesome "no surrogacy exclusion" insurance. We have five children we are anxious to watch complete their journey's to adulthood and two grandchildren that are starting on theirs.
As I said, it's bittersweet. I don't want to let go of this time in my life but I know I must and I know that once I get through the next few weeks I will be ready for the change. It is easier this time than with Aurora...I'm not hoping for a VBAC, I am ok with a scheduled c-section (though not before 39 or 40 weeks...sorry docs my body takes the whole 40 weeks to bake babies for some reason). The guys are not coming in until 39 weeks or the scheduled section date because they are only a few hours away by plane instead of a 20 hour flight. I won't be a watched kettle this time.
So here's to endings and new beginnings...to new life and to the closing of one door leading to the opening of another.