Sunday, November 21, 2010

Come on....please?

Unlike alot of surrogates, I don't particularly enjoy the end of surrogacy. Now don't get me wrong....I love handing the baby to the parents and seeing their joy. I love sitting back and watching the parents fall in love with their child. I love getting to go home and sleep through the night. I enjoy getting my body back.

So what is it I don't like? I don't like the emotions. I hate the crash of hormones. I hate the emotional ups and downs. I hate pretending that all is "hunky dorey" in my world. I hate the way I can't ever find a moment of peace, by myself to cry when I need to. I hate how everyone watches me to see if I am ok. Well frankly I am ok but I'm not. I do get attached to the baby and I do miss it. I miss feeling like I'm part of something bigger. No, that doesn't mean I want to keep the baby. But I am not one of those lucky surrogates who can just say, "here's your baby" and walk away with no emotional "fallout". It hurts for awhile. I am sad for awhile. Then the hormones calm down and I am fine. The whole process takes anywhere from two weeks to a month.

So anywho, here I sit, incredibly pregnant, and emotionally ready for what I know is to come. And the baby won't seem to come. Yes, I get that I am still five days from my due date. But I am ready and sitting here, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop is really hard for me. Everytime I get up at night to go to the bathroom, I find myself begging and pleading with God to let me go into labor. I just want to get started on this next part so that I can get through it. Yes, I will miss the baby and the dads but I am ready.

So come on....please?


  1. thank you for being so honest...I aam just starting my journey and it is refreshing to see a sarrogate tell it like it really is!

  2. I know exactly how you feel, and after I delivered the last set of twins, it was for that reason that I knew I was done. I thought that since I'd been through it before it would be better the second time around, but it wasn't, if anything it was worse. And it had nothing to do with wanting to keep the babies. Just cut yourself some slack, cry when you need to, and for god's sake, give yourself more than two weeks before jumping into P90X!!!