Unlike alot of surrogates, I don't particularly enjoy the end of surrogacy. Now don't get me wrong....I love handing the baby to the parents and seeing their joy. I love sitting back and watching the parents fall in love with their child. I love getting to go home and sleep through the night. I enjoy getting my body back.
So what is it I don't like? I don't like the emotions. I hate the crash of hormones. I hate the emotional ups and downs. I hate pretending that all is "hunky dorey" in my world. I hate the way I can't ever find a moment of peace, by myself to cry when I need to. I hate how everyone watches me to see if I am ok. Well frankly I am ok but I'm not. I do get attached to the baby and I do miss it. I miss feeling like I'm part of something bigger. No, that doesn't mean I want to keep the baby. But I am not one of those lucky surrogates who can just say, "here's your baby" and walk away with no emotional "fallout". It hurts for awhile. I am sad for awhile. Then the hormones calm down and I am fine. The whole process takes anywhere from two weeks to a month.
So anywho, here I sit, incredibly pregnant, and emotionally ready for what I know is to come. And the baby won't seem to come. Yes, I get that I am still five days from my due date. But I am ready and sitting here, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop is really hard for me. Everytime I get up at night to go to the bathroom, I find myself begging and pleading with God to let me go into labor. I just want to get started on this next part so that I can get through it. Yes, I will miss the baby and the dads but I am ready.
So come on....please?