Saturday, November 27, 2010

NO NO NO....

Okay....I have reached the end of my rope. I am thrilled that Cletus is healthy. I am thrilled that I am healthy. I am thrilled that I worked the whole entire way through a full term pregnancy and only took half of one day off. I do understand how blessed I am. But I am going to whine for a sec here:

1. Wanted a homebirth. Sorry....not gonna happen.
2. Wanted a midwife. Sorry...not gonna happen.
3. Wanted to deliver at the local hospital so I could labor almost completely at home. Sorry...not gonna happen.
4. Wanted to go into labor right after Lennart got here so I could avoid feeling like a watched pot that was inconveniencing him. He's been here two weeks. Sorry...not gonna happen.
5. Wanted to get stripped at 38 and 40 weeks. Not dilated at all. Sorry not gonna happen.
6. Wanted to labor alone and then call Lennart at the end. Since we are all meeting ath the hospital at 7 am to either have my water broken or have a c-section....sorry not gonna happen.


Can I please have number 7? Hey, can I at least just go into labor on my own so that even if I have a c-section, I know that Cletus is ready to come out? Please.

I am doing okay. I have resigned myself to the section because after two weeks of doing everything on the "self induction" checklist daily, my cervix is still stubbornly closed. I think I might even be able to make myself sit on the table and endure the placing of the epidural even though just the thought gives me a panic attack. I can do this. I signed a contract and I will do this. But I sure as hell don't want to do this.


  1. I am a long term SMO lurker and I have been following your blog this pregnancy. I had two hospital births, two home births and then a hospital birth with my ts son.

    I am so sad reading your posts lately. I feel for you Susan and hope that your cervix comes through for you in time.


  2. Susan, I am so sorry. I am a VBAC momma and I hear your frustration.
    When my 4th baby was born, I had resigned myself to a cesarean section. I had already had one cesarean, one homebirth, and then a second cesarean. I wanted a VBAC really bad, but deep down was resigned to a cesarean. So the night before the cesarean, we showed up for the pre-op stuff. We went home and I prayed that I would go into labor. My husband and I had sex that night {made sure to not "clean up" afterwards to allow his semen with the prostaglandin to do its stuff!} and i woke up at 3 am in hard labor. I couldn't believe it. Got to the hospital and delivered within an hour a beautiful baby girl, naturally. It was so surreal and one of my most triumphant births ever.
    Don't give up hope yet. You CAN change your mind. You CAN take more time. You CAN do what you can before you get there to have your water broken. Serial sex without cleaning up for a long while afterwards does help {sex with orgasms is even better}. Nipple stimulation is helpful too. When they break your water, nipple stimulation can be very helpful as well also staying upright.
    Good luck and I wish you all the best.
    You may have signed a contract, but this is still YOUR body and YOUR birth experience and no one can take that away from you.

  3. Don't give up. Why can't they wait another week? What's the hurry? I know your IF wants to get home, but another week will not be the end of the world for him. You DESERVE the birth you want. You have been like superwoman all through this. Don't give up now. Stand your ground, woman. Be the warrior you are. Big hugs and major labor vibes coming your way.

  4. Hi, just randomly found your blog while looking up people's experiences flying after a c-section (I am due for my 2nd in a year on the 13th) Anyways, ahh that so frustrating when they are late! But my limited experience says late babies usually come out all kinds of healthier, hopefully that can get them to give you a break!