Okay....I have reached the end of my rope. I am thrilled that Cletus is healthy. I am thrilled that I am healthy. I am thrilled that I worked the whole entire way through a full term pregnancy and only took half of one day off. I do understand how blessed I am. But I am going to whine for a sec here:
1. Wanted a homebirth. Sorry....not gonna happen.
2. Wanted a midwife. Sorry...not gonna happen.
3. Wanted to deliver at the local hospital so I could labor almost completely at home. Sorry...not gonna happen.
4. Wanted to go into labor right after Lennart got here so I could avoid feeling like a watched pot that was inconveniencing him. He's been here two weeks. Sorry...not gonna happen.
5. Wanted to get stripped at 38 and 40 weeks. Not dilated at all. Sorry not gonna happen.
6. Wanted to labor alone and then call Lennart at the end. Since we are all meeting ath the hospital at 7 am to either have my water broken or have a c-section....sorry not gonna happen.
7.WANT A VBAC.
Can I please have number 7? Hey, can I at least just go into labor on my own so that even if I have a c-section, I know that Cletus is ready to come out? Please.
I am doing okay. I have resigned myself to the section because after two weeks of doing everything on the "self induction" checklist daily, my cervix is still stubbornly closed. I think I might even be able to make myself sit on the table and endure the placing of the epidural even though just the thought gives me a panic attack. I can do this. I signed a contract and I will do this. But I sure as hell don't want to do this.