Changes

So since I last signed with my agency they have changed the process of becoming a surrogate a bit and even though I am certainly no newbie, everyone has to go through all the steps. I don't have an issue with that and I have learned a bit along the way. For instance, I have all of my medical records from the most recent pregnancy except those from the actual hospital stay. I have learned to request medical records as I go along.

So far I have filled out the packet, requested my hospital records, made copies of my other records and talked to my midwife.

Why did I talk to my midwife? Get this: she had to write me a note stating that she had talked with me about the risks of a fourth c-section, should that become necessary. Well duh, there are risks with every pregnancy, every surgical delivery, every regular delivery. I think it's humorous that they need to make sure that I realize that pregnancy is dangerous. I have been pregnant enough that I think I know that already. What's more, I wonder if the surrogates whose BMIs are bumping the top of the allowable limit have to be counseled on how dangerous pregnancy could be for them and the baby they will carry?

I guess I'm just having trouble accepting that I might be considered high risk. I really am getting older and really have been pregnant alot. I know that. It is just so hard for me to accept that this part of my life is coming to an end. Part of me would really like to just walk away right now and have it be over. I am not emotional. I am not attached to any IPs. My body is finally mine again. I have escaped from the surrogacy world with my heart intact, my body mostly intact, and my soul quieted. Why should I jump back in again and risk getting a bad set of IFs or a bad outcome or a horrible complication? I would really like to talk to these local IFs but I don't feel ready for the rest of this process yet. I just want more time to be me and to decide if this is what I really want. So what does that mean? I don't know.