Friday, March 4, 2011

Why do I feel like I'm cheating?

So it happenend like this:

I was reading on SMO the other day and someone mentioned all the crazy classifieds that were out there. So I clicked over to the classifieds and read a bit (note: I must be crazy because none of the ads sounded crazy to me.) (note: Incorrect grammar is a big turn off. Whether you are hoping to grow someones child or you are an intended parent hoping to attract a great surrogate...bad grammer is a huge no-no). Anywho, I got to the Circle ads and saw one for some IFs in MO. I was shocked and intrigued. So then I flip over to facebook and just casually mention that I was intrigued by Circle's listing for two MO IFs. The next day, literally the next day, Circle calls me to ask if I would be interested in talking to the MO IFs.

Whoa nelly. I have just reached the point where I might casually entertain the idea of another surrogacy. My body is finally starting to look like my body again instead of the body of a beluga whale. My hormones are settled. No one at work has called me a money grubbing whore or asked me if I was going to do another surrogacy to finance a new roof for at least a week. In short, life is calm. Peaceful. Or as calm and peaceful as life gets with five kids.

But sure, I will talk to the guys. Hold the phone says Circle. You have to fill out all the paperwork again before you can talk to the guys. Consent for a background check. Consent for medical records. Consent for them to pick through your garbage. Hmmm. I get that there are procedures, but come on people. I have carried five babies for you now. I have experienced international surrogacy, single father surrogacy, bedrest, reduction, twins, quadruplets. For heaven's sake...I just delivered a baby for you 3 months ago. I seriously doubt much has changed in my life. I have been signed with you guys for 6 years. But ok. Probe away. I am who I am and I'm pretty sure they know who I am.

So that is where we are now. Just yesterday I broached the subject with my long-suffering husband. He rolled his eyes, muttered, "I knew it" and said go ahead. He was my last roadblock. But I find myself in no hurry. I feel like even thinking of another set of IF's is somehow betraying my Swedish guys. I know that my role in their life is over...or I try to tell myself that it is. My job is done. But we still text weekly and I just got new pictures in the mail TODAY.

So to those surrogates out there that matched again after a perfect surrogacy (or two) did you do it without feeling like you were betraying your last set of parents?

1 comment:

  1. I know I felt the same way when I started looking around for my second journey, but my first IF was so supportive. And both of my FIFs are so different from each other, yet I love them each dearly, that it's not at all weird. In fact, they've actually met each other (which is kind of weird, but at least now I can talk to each of them about the other and everyone's on the same page). I probably didn't answer your question, but I got over it, and now I have two wonderful friends who have four beautiful kids. :)