Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A kick in the teeth? Sure sign me up for that.

So when I last blogged I was approved for surrogacy. How quickly things change. Now they are not sure if my uterus can handle twins so I am not approved. Don't get me wrong....if my uterus is not okay then I'm not one of those surros that wants to jump through hoops trying to be accepted. Call me crazy but a ruptured uterus, loss of blood, possibly injured or deceased babies and a possibly dead me is not my idea of a perfect journey. If it's all the same to you, I would like to come out of surrogacy alive, preferably with a bambino or two to present to their parents. So my agency is now trying to verify if I can have two embryos transferred or not because most IPs want to transfer two. I am somewhat confused because the same RE that approved me for two embryos last time is the one who is not sure now but like I said above, if it's not safe then it's not safe. Pregnancy and surrogacy have enough "what ifs" floating around without throwing in a ruptured uterus. So I wait but in my heart I think I know I am done. The strangest part is that all of this feels so forced and when I realized that I was done with surrogacy, rather than feeling panicked or sad, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Guess that's the surest sign of all that I'm done. So yeah...not so much a kick in the teeth. It feels more like I was saved from something that might have been wonderful but could also have been very bad. Thus I will consider Cletus my swan song in the whole uterine renting arena and move on with my life. Speaking of which, I look SMOKIN now that we have finished p90x (not really but hey it sounds good. In reality I look somewher above horrendous and yet nowhere near SMOKIN). I have lost 6 pounds since giving up chocolate for Lent. I have a good kid update too but will save that for another day (good kid update on the one that is frequently nowhere near the straight and narrow so yay)

5 comments:

  1. I want to see a picture, and then I shall determine whether you are smokin' (which I'm sure you are!!). There is life after surrogacy, trust me, and I'm about to discover there's life after 40. :)

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  2. Yeah but your life after 40 will involve surrogacy...or so I hear.

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  3. No, no it won't, lol. I think I had a pre-40 moment of scrambling for something familiar to hold on to, but I'm still pretty sure that I'm done. I should hook YOU up with this friend (and former surro, who can no longer carry her own baby)!

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  4. Thank you for sharing your experiences of surrogacy!
    Help us to promote awareness of surrogacy through World Surrogacy Day on 4th November 2011...
    http://world-surrogacy-day.org

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  5. Michelle...yeah I am done too. I am only approved to transfer one and there are just no IPs that want to transfer one...which I totally get. If I were the IP I would want to maximize my chance of pregnancy. I don't want anyone wasting their time on me when they could have another surro that can transfer two. So yeah, I am done. I am having a bit of a panicky "what now" feeling again which pisses me off since I was all done and then the agency called me and rekindled this whole thing and then now I'm all done again. I feel good that it is me making the choice to be done.

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