And I am not sad. Tired, yes. Exhausted, check. But not sad. Thank heavens.
I survived my first week back at work and though I'm tired, I know that I can survive another. I think in another week, if the horrible burning/stabbing feeling is gone, I can start walking and ease back into working out.
I weighed this morning and I weigh 150 pounds. I started out at 135 and was 168 when I went into labor so 18 pounds down, 15 to go. I look best at 125 but I feel best at 135 so 135 is the goal. The belly is shrinking and I now look only about 5 months preggo. And my wedding rings fit again...yay. I can't wait to tone things up a bit but I need to take it slow since I'm already asking my body to heal from pregnancy, heal from surgery, make milk, and work 40 hours a week. Abs of steel will have to wait.
I am still working my way through the "what now". Part of me says "surrogacy" is the next step since I know my RE will approve you with 3 c-sections. But another part of me says surrogacy is not the answer and that I will never be ready to retire so I should just stop now while I'm ahead. There are five babies and two new families in this world because of my desire to be a surrogate and I should be happy with that. I knew the surrogacy cravings would come on as soon as the sadness went away but I have committed to making no decisions for the near future.
So for right now I am just riding each day out. I fall into an exhausted sleep each night and only wake at 5am when my boobs tell me it is time to pump. I am babying myself as much as I can...taking my vitamins, drinking a ton of water, and eating healthy.