Just wrote an incredibly long post which blogger ate. Let me sum it up for ya:
1. Have gotten past sad and am now mired in "what now?"
2. Have a strong desire to be a surrogate again and am screaming NO NO NO to myself.
3. Want to quit my job but I am trying to be mature and am screaming NO NO NO to myself.
4. Pumping. Ouch.
5. Need to learn patience. Not good at patience.
Of course you want to be a surrogate again -- its been a major part of your life for how many years now? And you just delivered 3 days ago. The important thing is to not make any decisions in the next year, let your life unfold and see what's up next for you. I'm far enough away from my last delivery that I've got so much else going on that it wouldn't be feasible -- let yourself get far enough away from this journey and then see how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI know I need to take time to find myself again. And I know that if I make myself wait six months to a year, the craving goes away. It is just so hard to wait that six months to a year. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Michelle said... I think major decisions in the first 6 weeks postpartum should be made with extreme caution. :]
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the pumping... youch is right! :]
The craving certainly decreases over the course of the year, I'm not sure it entirely goes away. :) Rather, I think at some point, some of us getting-on-elderly surros needs to assess whether it fits into our lives -- I'm pretty sure part of the reason I decided to undertake yet another bar exam is to stop myself from getting pregnant again, since I'm only 4 months out from 40....
ReplyDeleteYeah I know Michelle. I think I have aged out also since I'm 38 (almost 39) and I don't really want to work with a different agency or RE and I think they're top age is 38. Just have to find something to fill that void. Last time I trained for and ran a 5K. This time we are going to get back into shape, try P90X, and paint the exterior of our huge, old house. It is just so hard to go from something that has taken up such a large part of my life for over 5 years to the next phase. Time is all I need.
ReplyDeleteI so know how you feel. I am 7 weeks post delivery and am finally getting back to normal. A few weeks ago I wanted to sell my business, quit teaching, etc. But I knew it would pass . . .
ReplyDeleteFYI- I just blogged on the blues a few days ago- I know you'll relate . . .
http://justthestork.blogspot.com/